"What?! You didn't talk for ten days? And no phone? Wow… I could never do that." I burst out laughing when my friend said it. We were at a theme park, our kids losing their minds on every ride, sugar and screams everywhere. Quite a contrast to back then. It was 2015. The year I spontaneously booked a ten-day silent retreat in Portugal. I had no idea what I was walking into. But something in me wanted to go.
On day one, we were politely asked to hand in our phones. We'd get them back after the retreat. Of course. But still. Ouch. That was challenge number one. Because what if someone needed me? Couldn't I just keep it tucked away in a bag? No. That wasn't the deal.
So I handed it in. Reluctantly. And what a relief that turned out to be.
Letting go of unhelpful beliefs
The silence, combined with the simplicity of life there, turned my world upside down. Every belief I'd been carrying around quietly got challenged.
Showering with half a bucket of water because of the drought? Fine. Using a makeshift toilet? Also fine. Living without television, books, or conversation? Surprisingly fine.
I didn't have to worry about a single thing. The meals were prepared for us. The whole experience revolved around silence, meditation, being present, and getting to know your authentic self. Sometimes there was a yoga class. That was about it for entertainment.
And strangely enough? I was happier there than I'd been in a long time in my "normal" life.
Goodbye, people-pleasing
Nobody wanted anything from me. No messages. No expectations. No conversations I didn't actually want to have but politely sat through anyway. No constant noise.
I was single then. No kids yet. Now it would be a much harder choice to make. But still. I often catch myself longing for that kind of simplicity.
Just be. Just live. Just feel. Soak up the nature around you. Be happy with little.
Culture shock
When I came back to the Netherlands, I had a proper culture shock. I struggled to pick my life back up. The thought that kept coming back: what kind of hysterical society do we actually live in?
A society where silence feels uncomfortable. Where being constantly available is normal. Where people almost feel guilty for doing nothing.
We fill every empty moment. With scrolling. Talking. Thinking. Consuming. And meanwhile, more and more people feel overstimulated, exhausted, and restless. Feeling lost in lives that look full from the outside.
Our heads never rest. The media feeds us fear. Teenagers are glued to their phones and find a walk in nature boring. Businesses are expected to grow every single year. Bigger. Better. More successful.
The average daily conversation doesn't go beyond: "How are you?" "Good, thanks, busy!" And it usually stops at work, family, or the news.
Real, deeper connection
How many conversations actually go anywhere real these days? About how you actually feel on the inside? About your deeper longings and fears? About meaning?
How often are we even fully present, without one eye on a screen, half-distracted, already thinking about the next thing?
Sometimes I think we've become addicted to external stimulation. To noise. To being busy. To performing. So we don't have to face the deeper fears and the real longings underneath.
Because silence, honestly, is also a little scary.
What do you really want from this life?
And no, I'm not saying everyone should book a ten-day silent retreat in Portugal. But maybe it's worth asking yourself, a little more often: what am I doing with my days?
Am I living a life I actually want? Or am I living someone else's life, one I was handed and never really questioned?
What would I want, deep down? Who am I really, underneath all of it?
If you want honest, authentic answers to those questions, then stop. Just for a moment. Stop chasing goals. Stop wanting to be more successful. Stop the surface-level conversations and the endless distractions.
Step into silence. Or into nature. Or into a digital detox.
And be surprised by everything that comes up.
Louise Hildebrand is a Dutch psychologist, author, and trainer with over twenty-five years of experience in mental fitness, self-awareness, and inner leadership. She works with people who look successful on the outside but feel restless, empty, or quietly lost on the inside. And with organisations that want to build cultures where people don't have to lose themselves to keep up. Her work blends psychology, lived experience, and a grounded form of spirituality in mind, body and spirit.